Monday, February 23, 2009

weekend frustrations and comfort food

This weekend was good, it was...but yesterday I hit a stubborn wall of frustration and anxiety. Sometimes I don't know why, sometimes I do...other than some indicators of the weather (spring, where aaaaaarrrre you?) and hormone shifting I didn't have a great reason. It was one of the first weekends in a very long while that wasn't booked or planned out the wazoo. And, it will be the last for some time as well. Friday night we had some great friends over for pizza with their little boys (5 altogether) and though it was rambunctious, it was fun and a great time to spend with people we love. Chris and I really do love hosting gatherings, of all kinds. Saturday I got a chance to spend some time with three very amazing, wonderful, wise, dear, dear friends for mass and breakfast afterwards at one of my favorite places and then Chris and I hung out at home until venturing out to buy a water filter for the fridge and walking around the mall for a bit. Then we met my family for dinner and watched a movie. Relaxing, no stress...yesterday was much the same but somehow I got really down and frustrated with lots of things. It's a tough balance between allowing myself to have the feelings I have regardless of how seemingly NOT delightful they are, and moving forward to choose to do something semi-positive with them, or rather, despite them. So, I made risotto.

It takes a long time, and involves standing by yourself for over half an hour stirring constantly. I don't make it often because the part that makes it the best is when you dump a couple handfuls of grated Parmesan cheese in it. But, it was cheesy and warm and delicious. It gave me an opportunity to be creative, make something special for my husband and lift my spirits just a little. It also (along with the glasses of red wine it accompanied) lured me into a nap while watching the Oscars. Then I went to bed, and I'm really trying for today to be better, mood-wise.

But, I just paid bills. Chris and I just got married in April, and before that I was a single and independent living girl with her very own modest townhouse. It was (and is) adorable and was perfect for me. Then, we wed and I moved into his ranch. We now have two houses. And the market is terrible. And, I forget about this stressor until the end of every month when it comes time for me to write some checks...the mortgage, the home owner's fees, the insurance, the utilities. It's such a bummer. I know it won't be forever, but I do hope it sells soon. In the meantime, maybe I'll go bake something and forget about it...

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