Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Soon enough...

Soon enough I'll have a little tiny itty bitty life to cuddle and snuggle and hold, and I'm ecstatic. I'd be lying if I mentioned there weren't moments where I doubted whether or not I am up to all the challenges, but I'd also be lying if I didn't state, point blank, that I do know, believe and have faith that God will provide everything we need to be the parents He's called us to be. My spiritual director said I'm not only capable of being this little girl's Mom, but chosen. I think that is so beautiful, I feel unworthy of it, but at the same time I feel so aware that God didn't want anyone else to be her Mom...only me. Wow.

I say this is all going to happen "soon enough" but at the moment I'm feeling and wondering WHEN it's EVER going to happen. Two days away from my due date, I feel so antsy and anxious and ready. And doubtful and hopeful at the same time...that it really will be soon!

Oh, how I hope it's soon enough.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Ash Wednesday

I'm not even going to mention that we jumped from baby ducks back to Lent. Really... But, I am going to just jump back in and start blogging again. I'm also not going to think about all the sad things that I missed commenting on and sharing in this past year...

-like being pregnant with our first baby. As of today my due date is in 16 days
-like selling my condo and our first home together and moving to a new house.
-like going to Italy and having the best time with my best friend.
-like all of the lovely daily moments that make a year filled with friends and memories.

I'm just going to capture what I can and move on. It's Ash Wednesday and one of the elements to my fasting, praying and almsgiving is going to be blogging. I work from home, I spend a lot of time at my computer working and a lot of time "working" (aka: reading other blogs, surfing the Internet, browsing and shopping online.) I think in many ways this is born out of a need to connect. I read other people's blogs and feel connected, but I really do think it would be so much greater to *actually* connect with people by sharing my own story. So, thus I begin. Again.

For Lent this year I'm also going to focus on practicing temperance when it comes to purchasing. The past few months have been a frenzy of buying. I've been nesting for 9 months (though my husband says I nest all the time regardless of whether I'm pregnant.) There really has been so much to do prepare and get ready, but I've felt called to spend Lent taking pause and asking, "Do I really need this?" and "Can I do without?"

And, I also believe I'll be sacrificing sleep for Lent. Our sweet little girl is due in just about two weeks so while I'm certainly doing something for Lent, I also tend to think that the adjustment and transition we're about to embark on is going to be many opportunities for sacrifices, big and small. I know one day I'll be a little sad that my little girl's birthday is during Lent, but in so many ways I think it's such a special time to have a baby and to be born. It's like she's coming at the beginning of a new start, a new spring and a time where we're all really making an effort to grow closer to Christ.